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Because waiters are people too
June 4, 2007
I gave in my two weeks notice at the restaurant a couple days ago. I’ve only been working there since December, but since I’m vain and unable to dedicate myself to customer satisfaction at a restaurant where I’m forced to wear a tie and pinstripes, where the women run around with martini glasses and high eyebrows, I decided my talents would be better utilized elsewhere.
As a cleansing of my bitterness, here’s some basic, person-to-person etiquette to keep in mind when dealing with your server:
- “This food is terrible. What’s the deal?” Oh, I don’t know, I must’ve overcooked it. Let me run back to the kitchen and try again, and I’ll keep that in mind when I cook your next course.
- Feel free to unwind for an hour after we close. I don’t need to be anywhere.
- Also, don’t mind those thirty customers lining up at the door. Linger for another 45 minutes. They’re here to paint. By the way, I make $2.45 hourly.
- Anything spit, sneezed, or otherwise expelled from your or your child’s body and left on the table has to eventually be dealt with by an uninvolved party. Revoltingly.
- You just bought a $60 steak and a $200 bottle of wine. On a weeknight. You can afford %15! You can!
- “Why isn’t lasagna on the menu?!” The lasagna fairy ran out of magic.
- “This check is pretty steep.” Yeah, I change the prices after you look at the menu for kicks.
- I’m polite enough to not interrupt your conversation. But please, if I’ve been standing at your table side for ten minutes, for the love of God, acknowledge me.
And just to be fair, for current and future servers:
- Richer does not usually equal a higher tip. It’s usually those customers who also work for tips that tip well.
- That one guy sitting alone today could be coming back with five friends tomorrow.
- Counting your tip in view of your customer is extremely awkward.
- Under most circumstances, be nice. Or switch to retail. They need the help.
- I still don’t know what osso bucco is. You’re not smarter than me because you do.
Categories: Daily
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