RSS
« Dapper | Home | Receipts and secrets »
How to captivate
August 19, 2008
Use a small knife to cut an apple one-handed.
Surrender to my sister’s obvious annoyance and reciprocate her 14-year-old attitude full force.
Shield the puppy, who just peed on your floor, from my frustrated ramblings.
Share in my October excitement.
Photograph my lacrosse games.
Mention “my girlfriend” as you chatter into your Xbox 360 headset.
Hang the baby picture of you and your older sister on your wall.
Roll your eyes and scratch your head when your mother begins talking about alterations on champagne-colored bridesmaids dresses.
Drink protein drinks in a futile attempt to gain weight.
Offer to drive. Again. (And again.)
Show up to my mother’s 50th birthday party and laugh when you’re hugged from behind by her tequila-affected girlfriends.
Check your email once a month. On AOL.com.
Hide your tattoos from your mother for two years by refusing to swim in their large, luxurious swimming pool and wearing pants even during the most sweltering summer days.
Empty the freezer’s automatic ice machine, in its entirety, into the beer cooler on your back deck.
Do a double take when you overhear me asking the vet on the phone, “Can you give me a rundown of your neutering prices?”
Rarely ask where your camera is.
Comments are closed.