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Comeback
March 28, 2008
Since I’ve turned 21, I do this thing when I walk into a liquor store.
I’m so unreasonably proud of myself for accomplishing this extraordinary feat, living for 21 years, that I get a kick out of acting callow when purchasing alcohol, so that when it comes time to check out, I can smack down my ID with the satisfaction of disproving the cashier’s suspicions.
And so I strolled in today, the only person in the store besides the older, skinny man with sharp eyebrows behind the counter. I wasn’t in much of a rush, so as I browsed the aisles, I looked up, placing my finger on my lips, all wow, some of these bottles are pretty and lovely, and unusual to my amateur knowledge of intoxicants.
I settled on a brand and made sure to walk with a certain self-doubt to the front of the store, even though my two-year tryst at a state school made me well aware of the different qualities of budget vodka. I carefully set down my bottle and looked up with wide eyes and an innocent smile, the obnoxious assumption of, my, how young I must look! in my mind, leaving my wallet open for the moment he asked me to prove my youth.
But that old man, he took my money, and handed me my heavy paper bag with a smirk, followed by, “Have a nice evening, ma’am.”
And as I walked through the glass door to my car, I quickly searched my memory, consoling myself by trying to come up with another moment in time that I looked like more of an asshole.
Categories: Daily
March 28th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
HA.
I can totally picture this.
Poor you, all old-looking. :) Well told, as always.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
if it makes you feel better, ever since i turned 21 (i’m 23 now) and we go out to eat, i LOVE whipping out my wallet and showing off my I.D. arrogantly when the waiter/waitress asks for it. of course, i look unreasonably young, so there’s some sort of sick satisfaction to it all.
it’s very, very weird. i sometimes even look them right in the eyes and smile real big so they can tell it’s me.
we’re both insane, i assume.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Haha, I always hope to get carded as well. A few months ago was the first time I wasn’t carded and it made me mad. I thought maybe I’m starting to actually look my age.
We’re old.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
How do you think this guy feels?
March 28th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Four more months. FOUR MORE MONTHS!
March 28th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
It’s all downhill from here, sweetheart.
March 29th, 2008 at 12:22 am
My friend Brandon [while handing over his ID after being carded at a restaurant]: Ah, makes me feel young again.
(A la McLovin from Superbad.)
March 29th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Welcome to my world - Ma’am indeed!
March 29th, 2008 at 8:33 am
The PALCB people must be slacking — two weeks ago, I went to purchase the makings of mudslides for my friend for her twenty-first birthday. ID and credit card in hand, I walked up to the counter, expecting that proof of ID is going to be the first thing out of the cashier’s mouth, as it usually is. Nope. No ID check. I’ve never felt so old.
And then! On Monday, my newly 21 friend calls me from a different liquor store, asking what kind of rum to buy. Ten minutes later I got another phone call — she was amazed and perplexed that she hadn’t been carded.
March 29th, 2008 at 8:58 am
McLovin!
March 29th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I’m the same way… but a sequence always flashes in my head where they don’t believe me and chop my real license into little tiny pieces. :(
So every time I check out I’m thinking “Look, I’m old enough, see? SEE?!”
Jerk-holes.
March 29th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Maybe he’s been working there since he was a teenager, so he likes selling alcohol to underage patrons?
I’m just talking out of my ass here.
March 31st, 2008 at 8:39 am
Funny.
March 31st, 2008 at 11:55 am
The first time I bought liquor at the state store in my hometown, I wasn’t carded. On either side of me were two elderly people, so SURELY I must have looked baby-like in comparison.
Apparently not. Or the clerk just didn’t really care if I was legal.
March 31st, 2008 at 4:07 pm
This is so funny! If it makes you feel any better *I* would have carded you.
I just turned 19 (legal buying and drinking age in canada) in february, and getting carded was a great feeling.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:50 pm
what is with people? When you want them to card, they never do and when you don’t knwo where the h your license is they demand ID. How do they know??
April 1st, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’ve always been lucky as I look older than I actually am. Of course, this is going to bite me in the ass when I’m fifty and I look seventy. :(
K.
April 1st, 2008 at 10:38 am
Ray - I’m especially glad you weren’t there.
kalen - Sick satisfaction is a good way of putting it. I assume the same.
Jake - HEY! I’m not old. :)
John Carman - I don’t know, but he sure makes me feel fantastic.
Emma - It’s all downhill from here.
Robin - You took the words right out of my mouth.
Cici - HA! I wish I had an $80 bill to give the guy.
thecatladyin5B - I don’t think either of us are quite ma’ams, quite yet.
amy - It’s weird, because if I assume they won’t ask me, and I don’t prepare my ID, they look at me and say, “Can I see you ID.” Except, it sounds like, “Who the hell do you think you are not having your card ready? — you look 12.”
Rachel - lol. Jerk-holes.
Arielle - Yes. I’ll go with that.
Karina - Yeah, I’m sure there are probably a bunch of those too.
Jessica - Thank you. :) I remember going up to Canada when I was 18, and drinking, and not getting carded. It seriously boggled my mind.
ChristyLouwho - I KNOW, right?!
Kate - I’m sure that won’t happen, ever.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Next time, you should come up with a script about how you’re doing a LCB compliance test and they’ve failed and they should be receiving a letter describing their violation and the associated penalties and fees.
April 8th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Oh, you got ma’amed at the liquor store. Trust me, one day they’ll card you and you’ll be like, “Me? Really? I love you!” It seems to stop so suddenly… :)
April 9th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
didn’t anyone ever teach you to only buy the bottles on the top two shelves. for two reasons
the cheap stuff may give you a buzz but you will regret it in the a.m. and it forces you to save a couple of dollars for the good stuff. and what do you mean by going into a liquor store in the first place.
uncle michael