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How to work at a trendy but ridiculously overpriced retail store at which you can’t afford the clothing but have to buy it anyway
December 19, 2005
+ Buy an outfit to serve as your uniform. If female, this should consist of a shirt, a cami to wear under the shirt, a second shirt, a sweater, and jeans that look like they just spent a year in a cement truck. If male, this should consist of jeans. Boxers preferable.
+ Do not make plans for your first or second paycheck. They will pay off the uniform.
+ Wear flipflops. At all times.
+ If female, remove all eyeliner and nailpolish. If male, shave. Twice.
+ Tan. Whiten teeth.
+ Spend twice as much time memorizing jean legnths, cuts, sizes, fits, and customized destruction techniques than you did studying for your concepts of linguistics final.
+ Do not date the managers. Even if they are extremely attractive. And shirtless.
+ Fold every shirt on display at least 200 times. Refold.
+ Socialize with other workers constantly. Maintain nonchalant attitude.
+ Straighten hair.
+ If male, build muscle. If female, lose weight.
Congratulations. You are an appearance-priviledged all-American.
December 19th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
i know exactly what YOU MEAN!!!!
December 19th, 2005 at 5:40 pm
That is right on target!
December 20th, 2005 at 1:54 am
LOL Sounds awful! Thanks for the heads up, though. Now I would never even want to consider applying to a trendy retail store! =)
December 20th, 2005 at 3:01 am
it’s funny what lengths people go through to look like they “just threw this on” and “don’t really care” what they look like. haha!
December 20th, 2005 at 3:52 am
i also know what it’s like. i’ve been a gap superstar for 2.5 years, and counting. where do you work?
December 20th, 2005 at 4:20 pm
Sheesh!! haha…I’d find myself a new job. :)
December 20th, 2005 at 4:38 pm
That’s ridiculous!!! xD But true, I guess.
December 20th, 2005 at 5:08 pm
When did working at Abercrombie become a lifestyle? Haha. I’m still jealous though!! At least the eye-candy helps.
December 20th, 2005 at 5:11 pm
Unfortuneately as sad as all of that is, it is also so true. Where will the madness end? hah hah.
December 20th, 2005 at 5:31 pm
Haha, that made me laugh!
I haven’t seen Pride and Prejudice yet since it doesn’t come to Sweden until January 4th, I’m seeing it then though.
December 20th, 2005 at 7:45 pm
loved that list. and it’s sweet that you’re reading the book of memoirs of a geisha. I can’t wait to see the movie. peace x3
December 20th, 2005 at 10:46 pm
I’m at American Eagle. I know exactly what you mean.
How is it possible that you’re an amazing writer AND gorgeous?!
December 21st, 2005 at 12:02 am
Haha… right on target.
Especially the dating manager one. Definitely a no-no.
And, like Kiera ^ mentioned, it’s great that you’re reading Memoirs of a Geisha. A very worthy read =)
December 21st, 2005 at 12:42 am
Wow, by those standards, I’d be fired at least ten times over.
December 21st, 2005 at 4:26 am
I have to agree with what Joe said. Definitely be fired just with a snap of finger.
+ Do not make plans for your first or second paycheck. They will pay off the uniform.
Love that reason the best. It’s classic. =)
Cheers, Ash
December 21st, 2005 at 4:49 am
So funny :)
December 21st, 2005 at 6:16 am
Hmm, I have never worked clothing retail. Sounds annoying. But so is being a Soldier a lot of times. Anyway I thought I would say hello since I liked reading your site and you’re a writer and I am kinda a writer when I get over my procrastinating ways. I just thought we may have some things in common. I dunno, I felt the vibe or what have you. Ranting? Yes. I apologize. And I am not really commenting, but this is the only way I found to contact you here. (I suppose I could have emailed huh?) Okay enough since you will probably think I am a nut.
Peace be with you always. And may God continue to bless you.
Faith&Confidence
December 21st, 2005 at 7:41 am
i’ve never worked before at a retail but i heard its rather irritating from a friend whom works at a departmental store. she hates it. you stand there rather long and sometimes people never approach you and you earn by commission.