Tuesday June 3, 2008 at 9:45 am
Investigative Reporting. On car doors. And opening them.
After Omnomnomnom’s question on my last post…
I’m so confused on the car door thing. So girls DO want the car door opened? I’ve done it and then gotten yelled at for acting like the girl was helpless. There needs to be a standard practice that girls follow for these things.
I was curious as to what the general opinion was, today, with the opening of car doors in a gentlemanly manner. I polled the girls on Twitter (thank you everyone for your responses), and while feelings were all over the place, many men also responded and reached a pretty general consensus: Always try.
With girls, however, it was more of a personal preference. A few: No, thanks.
Several felt that it was dependent upon the situation.
And many would very much appreciate the gesture.
One conclusion reached was that as long as a man is genuinely being polite, and not masking what he feels is an ineptitude of women, than a girl should not be offended.
On the other hand, if a guy is finding it hard to read a girl’s attitude on the matter, checking with her would be ok, even though men who were raised to be chivalrous would not think to ask.
So, no standard. Since opinions are somewhat down the middle on the girls’ end, it seems to all depend on the person and situation. But as the men pointed out, without knowing a girl’s opinion, they shouldn’t be chastised for trying.
After Omnomnomnom’s question on my last post…
I’m so confused on the car door thing. So girls DO want the car door opened? I’ve done it and then gotten yelled at for acting like the girl was helpless. There needs to be a standard practice that girls follow for these things.
I was curious as to what the general opinion was, today, with the opening of car doors in a gentlemanly manner. I polled the girls on Twitter (thank you everyone for your responses), and while feelings were all over the place, many men also responded and reached a pretty general consensus: Always try.
With girls, however, it was more of a personal preference. A few: No, thanks.
Several felt that it was dependent upon the situation.
And many would very much appreciate the gesture.
One conclusion reached was that as long as a man is genuinely being polite, and not masking what he feels is an ineptitude of women, than a girl should not be offended.
On the other hand, if a guy is finding it hard to read a girl’s attitude on the matter, checking with her would be ok, even though men who were raised to be chivalrous would not think to ask.
So, no standard. Since opinions are somewhat down the middle on the girls’ end, it seems to all depend on the person and situation. But as the men pointed out, without knowing a girl’s opinion, they shouldn’t be chastised for trying.
I would like to add two things:
1. Ooooh. Pretty new header!
2. Whenever a guy opens my car door for me, I want to immediately grab him and make out with him.
It’s just such and easy thing to do, especially doors to buildings, that if he’s not doing it (at least until you tell him it’s unnecessary) I think that speaks volumes.
*Opens car door for PittGirl.*
I’m with the men on this.
Which I guess is obvious.
That’s an interesting take on the whole thing.
But now what about if you open the car door for the lady, get her seated, and close it for her being all chivalrous and stuff… is it mandatory that she attempt to at least unlock the man’s door?
Or is door opening chivalry just a one way street?
Wow – thanks for the follow-up. I am always confused by this. I always open building doors for ladies – be they a date or not. Car doors, however, is one thing I never really think to open. I guess it is somewhat awkward and inconvenient that it can seem like I am trying to hard when I go for the car door. I like the suggestion of when a girl is dressed for a date or a special event it is a good gesture.
Good conclusion.
I, however, am completely inept with doors with any kind. I am rarely in a car and I’m too impatient so I always try to open the door before it’s unlocked and it never works for me.
I have a response for NYCWD up there…after I get in, I ALWAYS open my husband’s door for him from the inside. He loves it…it’s how you know that the girl really likes you…saw it in a movie. I can’t recall the title of the movie but it’s in one!
i was totally surprised when my boyfriend first opened the car door for me, probably because the ex would never ever have done that…and i totally love it. a tip for the dudes: you don’t have to open the car door, except if it’s very cold or raining and you have to get inside the car to unlock the doors. then it would be a very nice thing to do.
I think it’s cool when you’re walking to your car or walking to the store for a dude to open a door for you. But when you’re getting out of the car and he has to run around to open it while you sit there, then I don’t like that.
Yeah, I have to say that it’s subjective. I could care less if he doesn’t. However, he should always open the door to a building for the girl. That’s just being a gentlemen.
Back when I had a car I always did. But here’s the thing, it was a test for them as well:
If I opened the door for them and they didn’t reach over and unlock my door, that was a big negative for them.
Is that bad? Not that bad. It makes sense when you think about it, because it shows that the woman is thinking about you too.
@Priscilla Yes, it was in an 80’s John Hughes flick I think. It is commonly referred to as “The Test” to see if she’s a keeper or not. Of course I can’t remember the movie either… but I remeber “The Test“…
The other movie was A Bronx Tale – “Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.”
Opening a door for a woman is about proper manners. It does not matter is it for your girlfriend/wife or a complete stranger. I find it hard to believe that a kind gesture could be misunderstood by so many.
I’m ok with it, but I feel like a moron just standing there while the guy is like “wait, let me get that for you,” and runs around to the other side….
If my hands are full, though, they should totally open the door, or carry my stuff for me!!! ;)
i don’t think it’d be a deal-breaker by any means. only if it’s a symptom of some underlying personality defect, like if he doesn’t do it due to the fact that he’s fundamentally inconsiderate, or if he does do it because he’s shady and is doing whatever it takes to get into your pants.
or whatever. i agree with madison.
Opening a car door for a woman is great for the following reason: if she’s cool, you have earned points and done your chilvaric duty. However, if she’s all offended you know right then that whatever attraction is there, you and she are just NOT going to work out. It saves time. And, since she doesn’t want you doing things for her, you can push her out of your speeding car and let her make her own way home. (Or maybe skip that last part; play it by ear.)
I agree with those that say its a situational thing. That is, when wife and kids are all piling into/out of the minivan, its every man/person for themselves. Same for if we’re just running a quick errand somewhere, in a hurry.
But on the (sadly) rare ocassion that its just the two of us on a date night, and she is dressed up, she gets the car door treatment. Fair enough?
Oh, and old fart that I am, I also still hold store doors and elevator doors for the ladies. And if I do it with a smile, I always get a smile back. Always – but then again, I’m devastatingly handsome too….
My husband *always* opens the car door for me. It’s just who he is. I love when he does and have never tired of it.
I usually don’t open the car door for -the old lady- my wife but I think she prefers it that way, in the spirit of overall travel efficiency, which we both ironically strive for. I do, however, open doors that aren’t attached to cars, in the name of chivalry. Penis.
I like to pretend I was born too late (even though I really totally was), so anytime the slightest bit of chivalrous behavior is shown, I instantly swoon.
I don’t get mad when it doesn’t happen, but I still get a little disappointed.
I’m with PittGirl… I love having guys show any forms of chilvalry. :)
I always open car doors for the ladies. I’ve told my daughters that they shouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t open the door for them. Just the way I was raised.