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Nostalgia
June 14, 2008
“yesterday i woke up early and babysat, drove to the mall, grabbed some jones soda, and then babysat again till 11. i definatly need to find a job. stupid college students took them all. hey that’ll be me next year! yay! i decided im staying close to home, and i would like to get an apartment, rather than dorm. but we’ll see.”
I wrote that on one of my older websites on June 14th, 2003. I would happily link it, but isn’t it the general routine for my generation to block out and delete proof of our early internet presence? Because we’re so much more intelligent now, and when I turn 27, I’ll be all, what? 22? What did I do then, go to college? How juvenile.
At the time, I would have just turned 17. And besides that one brilliant remark (”i decided im staying close to home,” which I should have done, but didn’t, though really, who “decides” things when they’re 17?) there’s not much I would ever worry about salvaging. I was living so fast and hard that I didn’t have time to capitalize my i’s.
Anyway, I’m in the middle of writing something sort of extensive, a large portion of which took place in 2003. I found that the best way for me to remember the little things I may have forgotten about — car rides, dances, lacrosse games — is to download the Top 50 Billboard chart (full list available in iTunes) for that year and cycle the playlist.
So I’m sitting here in my rat-free hotel room (who knew they’d have one in Philadelphia?), elated with landing this job, burnt from a sweltering, sunny day on the field, playing 50 Cent and The Ataris and Fabolous and Blink-182. As always, the songs easily send me back to the time I wrote things like “i was wearing my ‘lost’ shirt and thinking of how lost i am right now” and “i just watched all the surfer girls episodes” and “SATs suck,” and I don’t think I’ve ever been so aware of a difference of five years.
Categories: Daily, Jobs, Lacrosse, Traveling
June 14th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
hehe So true. I wish I had all my entries from back then though, because I was so deep in 1999. I probably complained about my parents forcing me to bed before midnight and how much I hated/loved high school. At least I do have my paper journals from that time, I think… who knows, I always sucked at keeping up with them, which is why I kept online ones… go figure.
June 14th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
God, I graduated from high school five years ago. It feels like five million. I hardly know myself from then.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:35 am
I feel the same way whenever I read my journals from middle school.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:45 am
17 is so different from early 20s. At the time, you think you’ll never be a different person than the one you are right then… and life usually proves you wrong.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Love the lost shirt/ lost self quote from 17.
It’s the perfect age to think you’re poetic.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:06 am
I used to have a website when I was in 7th and 8th grade. Now those entries are frightening to read (if only for the vast amounts of typos), but I’m with you. My entries from senior year seem like a different person.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
some of my favorite entries are the ones like that. i don’t think mine have as much to do with my intelligence at the time as my laziness and fear to put my “real” writing out there. even now i water down a lot of my stuff because i’m concerned it just won’t quite match up with the content of other’s…. but that censoring is slowly becoming a thing of the past.
i love how you’ve evolved. i’ve read you on and off for quite some time and though i’ve left drifting comments here & there and linked you a few separate times, we never really had a blog “relationship” and my writing never did seem to appeal to you as yours appealed to me.
and i’m perfectly ok with that because the other day i got a comment from you and was like, “YES! YES! YES!” and felt completely nerdy and fulfilled :P
June 15th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Funny how a few years and a little life experience can so profoundly effect ones outlook on life in general and our own past, let alone our recalling how very different we used to be such a short time ago.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:14 am
hey you,
a little introspection is good for the soul. it gives a chance to look at the past and say did i really do something that dumb; try not to do the same thing in the present, but we usually do it anyhow; and in the future we repeat that well known prayer, please, god don’t let me screw this up! but how boring our lives would be if we didn’t fall down every once and awhile.
love ya!
June 16th, 2008 at 8:46 am
haha yes, i definitely hid my old xanga.
June 16th, 2008 at 8:58 am
I blogged on MySpace for almost three years before starting a real honest-to-god blog… And I find the posts I did then — sometimes 2x a day! — are an amusing insight into my early 20s. I’m actually having a Lulu book of them made because I am A) THAT VAIN, and B)want to have those silly little thoughts on hand before the internet swallows them forever.
Memories slip away so fast… remembering events is one thing, but actually reading what you were really thinking about at the time (whether profound or trivial) is a crazy cool thing. Especially when 5 years DOES make such a difference.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:36 am
I love looking at my old crap that I wrote. It’s so bad it makes me wonder if when I’m 87, I’ll look back on my blog now and be like “Man, I was such an ass.”
June 16th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Personally, I like to pretend that I sprang into the world fully formed, intellectually.
What? High school? Junior high? Stupid string of less-than-worthy boyfriends? Not me! I’ve always been 22 years old, what are you talking about?
June 17th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I totally agree with you. It seems worlds away since 2003 when I was 19. That is when I started blogging and I can’t even read those old entries.
Hey! Philadelphia is nice. ;) Just stay in the center city. Haha. Plus if you don’t mind gay people the gayborhood has some really lovely little shops.
June 17th, 2008 at 10:28 am
The song thing is a great idea. The Verve Pipe came on the radio the other day and I cracked up at how much I loved that song and how cool I thought I was that I was a “Freshman” when it came out.
It is amazing how quickly we become embarrassed with our past selves.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I’m 25 now and I often think of when I was in high school, mainly because it was a fantastic 4 years. I think I’m glad it wasn’t well documented (except in pictures, of course) because I don’t want any of my memories to be proved inaccurate. I’d rather they stay just like they are, just like I like them. Just think about it…how simple was your life in HS, especially compared to now?
June 17th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Music sticks so much to us when we’re teenagers, doesn’t it? I still have my blogs from 2003, when I was 15, and looking abck at them always makes me laugh.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
me 5 years ago? “Oh my god, got in at 5 am from working at the bar. I’m saving up for my totally awesome Stingray car! I hate my in-laws!
me now? “Oh my god, Diana woke me up at 5 am with a fever. I am really considering buying a Prius, it would fit two kids and groceries well. I still hate my in-laws!”
June 17th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Funny, while you are trying to delete all references to your past websites, I’m trying to find my first one, which I deleted in 2004. I’m sure there’s comic gold worth mining there!
June 18th, 2008 at 9:21 am
Oh. My. God.
Seriously, it hurt me to delete my blogs from when I was younger, but I just couldn’t get over thier stupidity even if I was the only one reading them. I can’t help but wonder what the hell was wrong with me when I was 14 and why I thought I had the answers to everything.
God I hope I don’t have a teenage daughter similar to my teenage self.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Listening to ‘California Love’ instantly transports me back to basement parties in 8th grade.
Classic.
June 21st, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Oh God, I cringe when I read the crap I used to write. I’ll probably cringe when I read the crap I write now, five years from now. ((shudder))