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On Love
October 17, 2006
I’ve been completely, deliriously, innocently in love with someone. It was everything I thought a relationship was supposed to be, yet was so indefinable, that if I had to seperate all of my relationships into categories, it would stand alone. All of the others would be bundled together.
There’s a problem with this. In my eyes, everything about the relationship was so immaculate, I’ve since developed the tendency to compare every other guy and the aspects of new relationships to what I defined as being my perfect relationship.
They always fall short. As bad as I try to block the new stuff out of my mind, to push away the little things that should be done differently, to believe that they will change into something I prefer or can get used to, I can’t. They always fall short.
And I’ve always been in love with love. Maybe the desire to have a husband and a family was something that was instilled in me growing up - but that’s a completely different story. Yes I want a career. Yes I want to travel. Yes I want to “have fun.” But that’s along with being a mother. It’s being able to travel with someone. Have fun with someone.
I can stand and I have stood alone. Now that I’m confident with that, I can alter my focus.
But the main point in all of this is, did I already have that? Am I comparing the new relationships to the ideal one because while I was in the ideal relationship, I was conditioned to adapt to everything about it? Or was it just perfect for me in the first place?
Categories: Daily
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