Saturday October 11, 2008 at 11:20 am
Or maybe I’m just growing up again
Last night, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit a haunted house that I had never been to, farther away from the city than I’m used to going every October. Somehow, the ones that are off the beaten path tend to be more spectacular than the city’s over-advertised attractions.
Of course we got lost. At least three times. The iPhone’s navigation system makes finding on-the-go directions virtually impossible unless you have two exact addresses to begin and end with, and even in the middle of an unfamiliar highway, it insisted we were on a backstreet at least two miles away.
And while I’m on the subject, when it does succeed in getting at least somewhat close to your current location, its first instruction is, Go East on Smith St. toward Lombardi Lane. Great. So not only do I now have to buy a compass, but also familiarize myself with every street name in the vicinity of every neighborhood I might someday ever find myself lost in before I even start the car.
We finally arrived at the Demon House to a very small crowd, which isn’t uncommon this early in the month, made up of couples and families with at least one small child who didn’t want to go in. I was more tense from the ride there than anything, because when I’m traveling through small neighborhoods lined with houses I’ve never seen, and the only places to get directions are the small, rickety gas stations which are always empty, in the dark, WITH AN IPHONE, the one thing that continually circulates through my head is this would make a great horror movie.
The house was really well done. There was a large bonfire, a tent playing black and white horror movies, a character expertly spooking around on four-foot stilts, a stand with hot dogs and hot apple cider, and a little person with a Billy mask riding a squeaky tricycle in circles around those waiting. They sent small groups of four or five at a time into the “mansion,” where we walked through some cool scenes and encountered some actors who not only emphasized the legend of the building, but seemed like they were having a great time doing it. One thing with an unmoving, white face even crawled on the floor behind me, which totally freaked me out.
The downside with visiting these places every year, and having more interest in the execution than the desire for the rush of being frightened, along with my love of horror movies, is that every season, I become more desensitized to the scariness. When I was 16, I would cling to someone who would have to practically carry me through with my eyes closed, and even then I would shriek at every sound in a five mile radius. Now I need, at least, an unexpected chainsaw.
Last night, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit a haunted house that I had never been to, farther away from the city than I’m used to going every October. Somehow, the ones that are off the beaten path tend to be more spectacular than the city’s over-advertised attractions.
Of course we got lost. At least three times. The iPhone’s navigation system makes finding on-the-go directions virtually impossible unless you have two exact addresses to begin and end with, and even in the middle of an unfamiliar highway, it insisted we were on a backstreet at least two miles away.
And while I’m on the subject, when it does succeed in getting at least somewhat close to your current location, its first instruction is, Go East on Smith St. toward Lombardi Lane. Great. So not only do I now have to buy a compass, but also familiarize myself with every street name in the vicinity of every neighborhood I might someday ever find myself lost in before I even start the car.
We finally arrived at the Demon House to a very small crowd, which isn’t uncommon this early in the month, made up of couples and families with at least one small child who didn’t want to go in. I was more tense from the ride there than anything, because when I’m traveling through small neighborhoods lined with houses I’ve never seen, and the only places to get directions are the small, rickety gas stations which are always empty, in the dark, WITH AN IPHONE, the one thing that continually circulates through my head is this would make a great horror movie.
The house was really well done. There was a large bonfire, a tent playing black and white horror movies, a character expertly spooking around on four-foot stilts, a stand with hot dogs and hot apple cider, and a little person with a Billy mask riding a squeaky tricycle in circles around those waiting. They sent small groups of four or five at a time into the “mansion,” where we walked through some cool scenes and encountered some actors who not only emphasized the legend of the building, but seemed like they were having a great time doing it. One thing with an unmoving, white face even crawled on the floor behind me, which totally freaked me out.
The downside with visiting these places every year, and having more interest in the execution than the desire for the rush of being frightened, along with my love of horror movies, is that every season, I become more desensitized to the scariness. When I was 16, I would cling to someone who would have to practically carry me through with my eyes closed, and even then I would shriek at every sound in a five mile radius. Now I need, at least, an unexpected chainsaw.
I never thought chainsaws were practical weapons. They are hard to get started, always lock up and are awkward to use. Nothing is more embarrassing to a psychotic deformed monster than having to tell his victim to hold on while he got the chain back on track.
Cool that you still do this every year though. Nice to see someone still enjoy Halloween beyond a reason to get drunk and wear something slutty (I’m talking about myself here).
In that you’re becoming desensitized, what’s your favorite Halloween and/or scary movie?
Have you ever been to Rich’s Fright Farm? If not, you might check out the website. It(the attraction)is usually pretty good.
Have you been to Cheeseman’s yet?! Still my favorite.
Narm – I always laughed at the end of the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre, when Leatherface awkwardly hobbles his massive self after his victims while wielding a giant chainsaw.
Robin G. – Oh man. Probably Carrie. More modernly…probably The Ring. Jeepers Creepers was awesomely bad. And I have a soft spot for The Blair Witch Project. And The Sixth Sense. And Se7en. And I’m currently downloading the Are You Afraid of the Dark Collection and MTV’s Fear. So I guess my answer is…everything.
thecatladyin5B – No, but I’m checking out the website now and will absolutely look into it. Thanks! :)
JMedlin – I’m saving it for late October.
Oh man, I’m probably The Biggest Chicken there is. I cannot watch horror movies, go to haunted houses (I don’t care if they’re meant for little kids), and bumps in the night make me jump right out my skin. Which means I’m nowhere near desensitized and if I need to do all these things (and pee on myself in the process) in order to get there then I think I’ll pass :)
But I have seen Carrie (didn’t think it was so bad actually), The Ring (and couldn’t sleep of course), and The Blair Witch Project (luckily I was half asleep so I survived that ordeal).
I once volunteered at a haunted house and had the most fun of my life. I discovered that I have a blood-curdling scream that I’ve been waiting ever since to unleash at some appropriate time. The only part that sucked is that, on the hayride part of the event, some kids tried to throw me off the cart and under the moving vehicle.
Boo. :(
K.
Great post!
I haven’t been to a haunted house in over 10 years and now I’m itching to go this year! I’m such a scaredy cat but I really want to see if someone can truly rattle my nerves.
Yes, The Ring and that little girl bothered me. When she won her MTV Movie award for the role she creepily whispered “Everyone will suffer.” If she were my daughter, I’d be a little freaked if she ever dragged her feet into my bedroom in the middle of the night with a question or request for water. I’d probably knock her out accidently fearing the worst.
The Exorcist is the one movie I refuse to ever, EVER watch again!!
I’m so glad to realize that it isn’t just Sorg’s iPhone that does that. I cannot express the amount of hatred I have because of it!
I would still lose my shit. At 25.
Ghosts scare meeeeeeeee. Even fake ones.
Chainsaws scare me to death every time! I haven’t been to a haunted house in over 5 years….I guess it’s time to get a babysitter for the kids and head to one!
Thanks for commenting on my blog!
Rich’s Fright Farm is out my way… I think I went every year through middle school and high school. I saw the Clarks and a few other bands play there a couple times. Even when the thrill started to wear off, we still went every year. Awww, memories.
Thank God I’m not the only one with a soft spot for The Blair Witch Project. I know it got overhyped, but I respond very well to movies that let your head fill in the gaps, knowing that whatever you come up with is going to be more terrifying than anything they could show on screen.
Also, The Chef once met one of the guys in the movie, shortly after it wrapped. He said the fear’s real, because for about 4 of the days out in the woods, they had convinced themselves that they were really in a snuff film and the director was going to kill them.
I am just a chicken when it comes to Haunted Houses, love the idea but just am terrified. My daughter on the other hand loves them and the gorier the movie the better. Happy Halloween to you – wish we kind of celebrated it in Australia…then again…
I STILL cling on to someone, eyes closed and completely scared.
I love how you described the actual place. It sounded really cool, somewhere I would be petrified of going, but still!
I wish I were desensitized to horror films. I’ve yet to be able to get through one.