Tuesday December 9, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Roast
Hey. Rachel is not feeling up to snuff right now. In fact, some may say that the darkest of clouds hovering above her head has gathered enough precipitation to crash onto her noggin. Poor thing. In the meantime, I’m here to ease your addiction.
I’m Dan. You might remember me from such blogs as Hobo Digest, Moonshine Memoirs, Boxcar Bums, Idiots Frozen in Time, and my critically acclaimed autobiography, Stuck in a Well: The Life and Times of Danial the Cocker Spaniel.
Her and I have been through so much. There was this one time where she made me Spaghetti O’s and, in return, I kindly dropped my (hot!) bowl on the floor. I showed her. There was also this one time when she ate an entire meatball hoagie, as well as my meatball hoagie, in one sitting. I mean Good Lord, Rachel. And yet, she still looks trim.
We weren’t always that friendly, oh no. We went for a walk together once and she was so ashamed of me. And you know why? Because I was walking with a LONG stride. That has to be some sort of prejudice right? Hey, if you got long legs you stay away from this girl. Word of advice.
Speaking of legs, this girl’s got two of them. She has used them on and off the lacrosse field, but mostly off. She used to buy Brooks running shoes to be just like me, then tell me she went out and ran “8 miles.” This was never actually documented by anyone but herself so it’s hard to be sure. Usually these “lies” would last a couple of days until she lost her running luster and went back to scrapbooking.
The scrapbooking was a horrible habit. Routinely, she would drag me to Michaels or Jo-Ann Fabrics to find “good deals” on supplies. Whether there was a good deal to be had or not, Rachel would stand and stare at the same stupid paper every time and then leave after spending at least $50. Then she would go home and scrapbook until she fell asleep in her underground den. It’s like she has the DNA of Mr. Monopoly and a bear.
Currently she pets Bello (part time) and reads any book she wants whenever she wants. It’s not easy being Rachel, but Lord knows she’s trying.
Hey. Rachel is not feeling up to snuff right now. In fact, some may say that the darkest of clouds hovering above her head has gathered enough precipitation to crash onto her noggin. Poor thing. In the meantime, I’m here to ease your addiction.
I’m Dan. You might remember me from such blogs as Hobo Digest, Moonshine Memoirs, Boxcar Bums, Idiots Frozen in Time, and my critically acclaimed autobiography, Stuck in a Well: The Life and Times of Danial the Cocker Spaniel.
Her and I have been through so much. There was this one time where she made me Spaghetti O’s and, in return, I kindly dropped my (hot!) bowl on the floor. I showed her. There was also this one time when she ate an entire meatball hoagie, as well as my meatball hoagie, in one sitting. I mean Good Lord, Rachel. And yet, she still looks trim.
We weren’t always that friendly, oh no. We went for a walk together once and she was so ashamed of me. And you know why? Because I was walking with a LONG stride. That has to be some sort of prejudice right? Hey, if you got long legs you stay away from this girl. Word of advice.
Speaking of legs, this girl’s got two of them. She has used them on and off the lacrosse field, but mostly off. She used to buy Brooks running shoes to be just like me, then tell me she went out and ran “8 miles.” This was never actually documented by anyone but herself so it’s hard to be sure. Usually these “lies” would last a couple of days until she lost her running luster and went back to scrapbooking.
The scrapbooking was a horrible habit. Routinely, she would drag me to Michaels or Jo-Ann Fabrics to find “good deals” on supplies. Whether there was a good deal to be had or not, Rachel would stand and stare at the same stupid paper every time and then leave after spending at least $50. Then she would go home and scrapbook until she fell asleep in her underground den. It’s like she has the DNA of Mr. Monopoly and a bear.
Currently she pets Bello (part time) and reads any book she wants whenever she wants. It’s not easy being Rachel, but Lord knows she’s trying.
Scrapbooking? That explains a lot of awesomeness.
(Hope things are looking up, Rachel. Keeping you and the family in my thoughts and prayers.)
TWO legs? Can you say keeper?
hey you,
what’s wrong sweetie? is everything ok? call me if you want to talk.
I tried Scrapbooking once. I glued shit to my hands and got so pissed off I threw everything in the trash.
…I have not tried again since.
Thank ye kindly, Dan.
Hoping things perk up for Rachel soon. Those storm clouds can be, er… yeah.
<3
Love.