Origins of Things
Dan -you know what I need to recommend to you
Pat- cyanide?
Dan -cyanide soaked Honey Nut ChEErio’s
Pat -yeeeh?
Dan -There’s not much that isn’t peeeerfect of this cereal. Let me count the ways:
1- lowers cholesterol
2 - circular
3 - delicious
4 - bees
Pat -bees?
“you know what would be perfect right about now?” “what dear?” “bees”
“don’t get me wrong sweety. By bees I meant their by-product. Bee Shit”
“ahhh, of course”
Dan - then they would get into a large discussion about how honey does not come out of bees. A popular misconception
Pat -a very popular misconception, a misconception so popular it’s at the top of the charts for the 3rd week in a row
Dan - Followed closely behind the lore of Santa which started when thieves would crawl down chimneys and steal children, kill them, then package them back up to their family as a gifts.
Pat - wait…. you’re saying that a common misconception about thieves is that they are some strange form of murderous Santa? I’m not gonna lie to you Dan, that’s the first I’ve heard of that misconception. I would go so far as to say that that is a very uncommon misconception
Dan -I think the misconception , my friend, is that Santa is a holly jolly gentlemen. When in fact “he” began as a thief of children and bringer of tears. You have been fooled all along to praise saint nick. How does it feel to sin?
Pat - sweet
Dan -Sweet as an ice cream cone on a hot day with an obedient Labrador by your side and a rocking chair that belonged to your great great grand mother
Pat - yes, that is verbatim, exactly how I would describe it.
Dan - I read that in your livejournal
Pat - of course, livejournal, you’ve betrayed my secrets yet again.
Joke Time with P&D
Pat: What is the worst kind of plant?
Dan: Worchester sauce plant? I got one for ya. What’s the most foreign plant?
Pat: Mine is an ambush. I don’t know yours. What is the most secretive plant?
Dan: A Venus flytrap! And I don’t really think a bush qualifies as a plant. A secretBUSH?
Pat: How could a bush be anything other than a plant? Are you high? The most secretive plant is a mysTREE
Dan: Do people hate me like I hate you now after that joke?
Pat: Yes, a thousand times yes.
Dan: God. What have we become? Soulless shucks of our former selves?
Pat: That is correct. Nail on the old head.
Dan: Oh well. What’s the best kind of fun?
Pat: FUNdamentals?
Dan: No you tardmuffin. A reFUND. Gosh
Pat: No, no that’s the most repetitive kind of fun.
Dan: We don’t deserve to live.
Let’s Make a Plan!
The following is a look into the decision making process we have to go through to solve nearly anything.
Dan: There is a dilemna. Do we see Dark Knight, at the outstanding Imax where tickets are 50% more even though we’ve both seen it twice already? Or go and see Pineapple Express, the new Seth Rogen movie that looks good?
-Dan “Dilemned” T
Pat: This is indeed a dilemma. Seth Rogan is the new Mel Brooks, to say that his work is funny is like saying Hideo Kojima’s work has some depth to it. While I feel that seeing B-man on the I-max would most likely blow my mind, I have already seen it twice. Let’s hit up the pineapple express. - Pat “Prob Solver” V
Dan: Wow. I am incredibly shocked we came to a conclusion that quickly. I don’t know what to do the rest of the day. I was hoping we would drag this out and then I’d post it on SBT.
-Dan “Problem Wanter” T
Pat: Ha. Whoops
Dan: Ya it would be a joke to you. I barely sleep at night, tossing and turning in a bed full of cold sweat, with the anxiety that comes with producing content for a smash hit website. Maybe I’ll just post a chat log about how Japanese have 44 words for ‘Monkey’.
Pat: Akuna matata
Dan: This is the most anti-climatic moment of my life. Are we still going to go to the Pittsburgh Mills? Or What?
Pat: They have a theatre there? I’d be down. Grab some Sonic.
Dan: The Mills is the only place with an Imax. I told you this last night. I’m cool with the Sonic though. Maybe if you show them your tat you’ll get a free patty. Sans bun.
Pat: Pineapple Express on I-Max? I find that unnecessarily extreme. But I’m down.
Dan: No. There is only one Imax theatre and it’s showing Batman. I could tell you anything right now and you’d believe me wouldn’t you? Imax is actually Mills’s slang for an on stage Broadway esque production where a bunch of children (K-12) put on the film as a play. There are even introspective soliloquies to help flesh out the characters.
Pat: If seeing batman
Goto imax to see batman
if seeing pineapple express
Goto theatre that is showing it
I wasn’t good at C++ but you get the picture. If we have decided on pineapple express why are we going to the theatre that isn’t showing it. Do you have a deep emotional attachment to it and need to visit it frequently to say hello? Why don’t you just give the I-Max a call and chat with it for a few hours instead?
You know I love grade school renditions of major motion pictures. I heard little timmy paterson played a great joker. Guess it proved too much for him though. It’s always sad to see a young actor with so much potential cut down in his prime.
What is ‘Integrity’?
Dan: I was looking at our blog stats and seeing how people find their way to the site. Some guy googled “sun chips slow or fast digesting” and found himself at sureboutthat.com. Other people have googled “do work” “dolphin olympics” to get there. more buzz words = more hits?
I suggest we type “heath ledger” over and over and over again
Pat: I agree. Also possibly, hitler, 911, conspiracy, Obama, and as many song lyrics as possible. How’s our traffic looking, other than being the final resting place of people who have only a working knowledge of google?
Dan: Well we have yet to reach our personal record of 49, but we’ve been at a solid 20-25. God bless those individuals. Should we begin catering to our google searchers? Pose as scientist who are experts on sunchip digesting?
Pat: Possibly, put it in the idea file. I already have some experience as a scientist, as you are well aware…
Dan: Maybe our blog should hold the content of those annoying flashy ads. Like “HEY GO ON A CHEAP TRIP TO VENZULA FOR 10 BUCKS!” or “Want to save money on your car insurance? Gas prices decimating your wallet / credit score? BUY MILK!” I’m not sure they really make sense, but I can’t tell you how often I google those words.
Pat: You see Dan, you’re an idea man. And I like that. You’ll go places my friend. You’ll go places. Get marketing on that flash ad asap.
‘Sure Bout That: Origins
Legendary things don’t always begin as legends. Peter Parker was assaulted by a rabid spider. Batman had to watch his parents die right in front of his eyes. Frogs start as tadpoles. Will Wright started as a sperm introducing itself to an egg. Even Tang, the juice sponsored by orangutans, started out as a drink for astronauts. Much like those before us, we also have origins (and organs). Here Pat and I have unearthed our origin tale from the time capsule we call GChat for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
Dan: I have an idea
Pat: shoot
Dan: let’s just pretend we’re thinking about starting a blog. So I’d be like “Wanna start a blog?” and you can say something. Sans racial slurs. and I’ll be like. Aight.
Pat: so like, do a chat log right now, with the premise that we have yet to create a blog
Pat: What the hell, why not?
Dan: Aight
you wanna start?
Pat: sure
Dan: ok count me in
(like 3 2 1)
Pat: 3
2
1
Dan: oh hey
Pat: oh, hey
Dan: Hey it’s thought-o-clock. Got any good thoughts?
Pat: Yeah, I was thinking we should start a blog
Dan: wow. That trumped my thought of making/consuming fajita hot pockets for hours.
I’m in. What should we call it?
Pat: Funny you should mention fajita hot pockets, I was thinking that was what we would name our blog
Dan: you sure ’bout that?
Pat: are you sure? ’bout that?
Dan: Wait. Color me epiphanized
Pat: First, epiphanized is not a good color on you. Second, nothing comes up when I click that link.
Dan: Maybe we should adopt it and make it our home?
Pat: Dan… I think that’s the best idea you’ve had in your life!
Thus… a legend was born.