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Comfort zone
March 21, 2008
I’m either drunk, half asleep, half drunk, or subconsciously wanting to spring clean my life, but in any event, here’s a post of everything that’s out of my comfort zone.
Things I avoid writing about in my attempts to be safe (because putting them in a common list makes it that much lighter):
1. Serious relationships
2. My immediate family
3. My coaching job
4. My feelings on marriage and family
5. My ex-boyfriend’s suicide
6. Politics
A list of six things, respectively, that I replace them with:
1. Pictures of my dog
2. My extended family
3. Reasons I enjoy college
4. Reasons I do not enjoy college
5. Nonspecific introspection
6. Blogging
A list of six reasons, respectively, that I haven’t gone there:
1. I had an on-again/off-again relationship for several years with the same guy. I moved in with him. I think I may have mentioned him, oh, three times. It wasn’t that I didn’t want people to know — people knew. I didn’t want the relationship to influence the focus of what I wrote. And God, the breakup? I was happy to get out of having to explain that one. Perhaps I wanted to protect the identity of the wicked troll he cheated on me with. Moving on!
That was then, that was him, things are changing now, and I’m beginning to feel differently on the subject of, giggle, boy details.
2. That’s a dike of which there will be no rebuildin’ if the waters are set a’free.
3. I love my job so much that I would carry my camera to every practice, game, and event, but not only do the middle-school girls know of this website, but since the Bloggies, their parents have also gained intelligence. And you don’t mess with putting such things on the internet.
That’s what they have private MySpace pages, on which they can befriend any person who is not their parents, for.
4. I have enough elder, wiser, (mostly) female figures IRL to tell me I have plenty of time and I’m still too young, but for the record, my daydreams more commonly consist of weddings and family dinners than frat parties and penthouse apartments.
(Note to my boyfriend’s mother: I promise that this does not entail pressuring your son by any means! See you at Easter!)
5. Depression, from any perspective (in my case, someone witnessing it from the outside), is a touchy thing to get into, especially on blogs. And yet, it’s everywhere. My biggest concern is, if I decided to take that step, that it would seem as if I were using it to be edgy. Once people cross the line of delving into mental illness, it’s difficult to proceed without judgment, awkwardness, and concern from their readers. I’ve seen the harsh, uninvited responses to attempts made by others, and I’m not sure if I could handle that just yet. Question mark.
6. Besides classifying myself as a liberal, I can’t convey a damn intelligible thought on anything political, and therefore opt to keep my mouth shut.
Happy Spring!
Categories: Daily
March 21st, 2008 at 11:49 pm
This is a huge step, and as a long-time fan of your writing, I hope you keep on movin forward.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:09 am
Wow, you’re so much farther ahead of me in terms of blog honesty that it’s not even funny. My friends don’t even know about it, and I’m generally anonymous.
You have the sort of writing talent that makes such things easier to read. I wouldn’t mind knowing the background of most of these, but I realize how hard it would be, especially since im not even comfortable giving out my full name.
Either way, im here to stay.
March 22nd, 2008 at 1:23 am
Nice post. Glad I was up late enough to catch it.
March 22nd, 2008 at 3:07 am
Excellent photo choice. Couldn’t quite tell exactly what it was from RSS, so came to see it bigger and determine what it was. =)
Thanks for encouraging the rest of us to think outside our comfort zone.
March 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 am
Oh, man. I cross and blur so many lines and boundaries with the things I write about that it’s like, is this girl for real? Has she no shame? But I like to think that I’m desensitizing people for the book I hope to someday write because while the names may be changed, nobody’s character is going to be safe there…
However, I don’t say anything that I think is a big secret. If you asked, I’d tell it to your face, and that’s the ultimate “should I post this?” deciding factor for me.
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:29 am
Admit it, it’s not the Bloggie you were nominated for that got the parents to notice, it was WINNING the Burghie that solidified your fame in the hearts and minds of millions.
Leaving certain subjects off limits isn’t always a bad thing. Family is something I rarely bring up and if I do it’s in general. Plus if your family is filled with drama queens and they read your blog it can be a bitch at family gatherings.
I thought about getting married at 23 and glad I didn’t because I really had no clue what I was getting myself into. Not saying that you shouldn’t just that don’t be in a rush. Enjoy your 20’s :)
cheers!
March 22nd, 2008 at 8:41 am
I love you. Let’s have dinner parties. We can make the boys eat fondue.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 am
i love fondue!
“and I’m beginning to feel differently on the subject of, giggle, boy details.”
Heart.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:18 am
I generally don’t write about several topics either, but stretching is a great exercise (no pun intended).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
“I’m beginning to feel differently on the subject of, giggle, boy details.” Heart!
March 22nd, 2008 at 11:25 am
Thanks for your opinion- or lack thereof. I guess I’m just going to have to keep rolling it around in my head. I have a while to decide.
Also- I spend more time daydreaming about weddings and babies than about frat parties. Which isn’t hard, since I don’t go to frat parties.
Weddings? Been thinking about them since I was wee little. I already have just about everything picked out, including the church.
Babies? My ovaries scream at me regularly, “BABIES! NOWWWWW!”
Irritating, but such is life. You aren’t alone in being ‘not the typical college girl’ in that respect.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Great post. I really admire you for even approaching things that are so personal. For me, writing has always been something of a personal journey, but even so I find myself afraid to approach certain subjects, such as depression. I don’t want to talk about these things every post, but you’ve inspired me to at least consider writing about them every now and again as the need arises.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Bravo! Excellent writing. I think you summed up everything we needed to know about everything we don’t need to know just fine! :-)
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I’m a little embarrassed to be on the opposite end of the public/private spectrum, but secrecy has its advantages (people who know me don’t hate me?). I would agree with all of those who’ve said they’re glad you’re so open and personal on your blog, and I totally respect you for it, especially knowing the multitude of eyes (middle school girls and their parents!) that read every day. I think I’ll kick back a drink in your honor tonight.
March 22nd, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Liberal? Oh snap.
March 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Intelligent writers are the most interesting reads. They rarely go with the mainstream, and always offer something different: one day light-reading, another day something deep, then something funny. It’s never dull or mundane.
I really like hearing what you have to say, even if you stay within your own boundaries. You’ve given yourself some constraints, but still manage to write a great blog.
I like it here.
March 22nd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I think you do a beautiful job of being honest. I have my “off limits” things, too, but I my own rules now and then. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gone too far, but… eh.
March 23rd, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I don’t talk about long term relationships because I haven’t HAD one since I started blogging.
…ew.
March 23rd, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Oh, I hear this, hard. Esp reason #2… if I start, I won’t ever stop. Let’s not go there.
March 23rd, 2008 at 8:14 pm
I adore your blog, Rachel.
End of story. :)
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:09 pm
#4 of your reasons was so true for me much of my life. Besides, frat parties–ick. :)
It’s interesting to see what limits people give themselves–and what limits we feel that people’s knowledge of us puts on us. I think this is especially true when you’re in a coaching/teaching type position.
Thought provoking post!
March 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I had no idea half of this happened. I guess that’s what happens when you’re away from the net for too long.
With the recent rush of traffic to your blog from a variety of people, I can see why you might be extra cautious on what you write. There is no reason that you HAVE to write it to us, we enjoy reading your blog as it is already. Some things need to be written but can always be written in private. But you should know that you can also spill to us and you won’t be judged (well I won’t atleast).
Sometimes it is good to see negative people. As hard as it may be to read it, you’re reminded that the world isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect, there are those few special people that do care, will always care, and at the end of the day you know who’s got your back.
I hope you continue to get through everything smoothly. By the way, you go girl on being liberal. Haha. Hope you had a good Easter.
March 24th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Ooo… good way to dip your toes into the pool of scary subjects.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I like that you chose 6 things. Six is a great number.
I too have the forbidden list, but a lot of them have spawned from crossing the line. I do try and keep things based on fact rather than emotion though.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I kind-of jumped into blogging without thinking it through. I’ve learned a lot since then but I’d have to start a whole other blog in order to act on all of those things that I learned. Good for you for being on top of your game! I have since censored some of those same things, mostly because many people in my real life read my blog.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Those are all perfectly good reasons — particularly as you run a very popular blog.
I would say, though, that there are rewards in all of the horror of sharing personal strife. Heather Armstrong gets horrible, devastating emails on a regular basis about how her mental illness makes her unfit as a mother and a human being. If she hadn’t written about it, I wouldn’t be getting treatment and might not be alive. So… yeah.
The light stuff you right is wonderful. I think the heavier stuff would be equally wonderful. But those are all your decisions, and your readers will stick by you either way. Anyone else… fuck ‘em.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Uh, “the light stuff you *write*”. I’m going to go commit seppuku now.