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Wherefore art thou jerkface?
February 13, 2006
Recently, I recieved a drunken and uncharacteristically rude phone message from a friend who I haven’t spoken to lately. I made the “what the hell” face, hit delete, and went to bed. Upon waking the next morning, I recieved a Facebook message from the same person which I agreeably read:
Good day, my lady. Whilst my pen runs across this paper, I find myself in a state of such boredom, that only composing a correspondance to yours truly could free me of it. I hope it finds you well in that city what must be full to its seams with jubilation. Nay, bursting its seams. Last we spoke, I believe I had been hitting the pints a bit too liberally, so if any offense was given my ladyship, I most completely humble myself. Of course, with such a victory at hand as we had that night, played out o’er the battlefields in Detroit, could one blame me? Shall I stay chaste of festivity on such a night? I think not. Sadly, however, I must return to life’s toils, for the sun is but rising. May it be shining upon you though you be neigh a Commonwealth away…
And so, in response:
Dear Sir, I regret to say that the state of thy behavior at the e’en of my town’s jubilous victory, during which time I was enjoying the quiet company of my lady attendants, portrayed nothing more becoming than that of a mewling haggard. Prithee tell me, my lord, where hast thou gentlemanly nature escaped to? Could a man known enow for his scholarly qualities perchance be subject to the fie of liquor so hastily? Aye, belike it chance that other heavy thoughts have weighed and influenced your manner which ne’r has been so rash. However, being a lady, in submission to the wayward nature of man upon consuming such a vile liquid, which you have so adequately portrayed with your craven remarks, am able to remember my stature as a madame and therefore verily accept your humble correspondance. Fare-thee-well.
February 13th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
What an odd message… i’d make the WTH face too. haha
February 14th, 2006 at 1:08 am
and you say you’re no writer? talk that way more often and i’ll hitchhike to pittsburgh…