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You can’t play it cool
February 11, 2008
I’ve put myself in so many awkward situations that I’ve become slightly better than hopeless when attempting to recover or preserve some small sliver of dignity. There are some instances, however, that either I’ve experienced, or witnessed others experiencing, that leave very little occasion for saving face.
Note: The degree of embarrassment is much higher when there isn’t a friend nearby to offer comfort or share laughter. Most of these circumstances occurred when the victim was alone, with strangers.
You’re sitting on a bus and the mother of all wasps flies in through the front door. It takes a liking to the back of your head, and buzzes near your neck relentlessly through multiple animated swats.
You’re out on an early date, and just as you enter the car, and hear the click click of power locks beside you, your escort slams the door. On your fingers.
You’re walking down a busy sidewalk when your flipflop seems to magnetize itself to the cement. You turn to look down and see a pink web of chewed gum pulling you back to where you came from.
You buy an iPhone and unwittingly bring it out during a dinner with new acquaintances. They excitedly gather around your chair and ask you to “show them what it does” as they reach out to hold it. You awkwardly run your finger across the shiny buttons, avoiding the notepad with your to-do list of “refill birth control” and text message screen which displays a new message from your best friend, “How’s the shitty dinner, hoebag?”
Your sister calls during class, and you realize you forgot to silence your cell phone as the professor watches you scramble to smother her preferred ring tone of “Barbie Girl.”
You’re in the hallway in high school when the overactive jocks start throwing around a football. As you turn towards your locker to grab your math folder, it slams you square on the side of your head.
You’re meeting a new friend for lunch at a coffee shop. You get excited about an idea and your mouth starts running, launching a bit of food from your mouth to their shirt. They pretend not to notice, but they do.
You’re walking down a steep hill in heels when they completely slip out from under you, and you land (hard) in a position that makes it seem as if you’re about to butt-slide the rest of the way down.
Categories: Daily
February 11th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
HA!
More! More!
February 11th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Just reading that made me want to curl into a ball and die.
Not that I’ve ever had moments like this. Definitely not.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
The iPhone thing happens to me daily. Darn those notes. I should just stop.
Ah yes. The notorious ring tone in class number. Thank God I finally changed my, “I Touch Myself” ring tone. Ugh. That was awful.
:)
February 11th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
I’ve done the cell phone-ringer thing in a courtroom. Not good. Fortunately the judge — a guy I know a little bit — has a sense of humor. He only threatened to have the deputies remove me from the courthouse…
February 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I can associate with oh so many of those! One day I may be able to get over the humilation and share some of my own horror stories with you. Of course, there’s always the famous Dirty Dancing scene:
“I carried a watermelon?!”
~Dawn
February 11th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
The high school one is so Marsha Brady!
February 11th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
I’ve had similar experiences with moths fluttering in my face. The screaming was particular heinous.
K.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
embarrasing ring tone, at the most inappropriate of times - that’s all me!!
February 11th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I was working in a children’s camp once, eating something in the staff room, when a huge bug flew directly into my face. I flung my food across the room, shrieking and bursting into tears at the same time, and a friend had to hold me down and speak in a soothing voice until A. arrived to take care of me. After that, well, people treated me different, that’s all I can say.
February 11th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
LOL!
The iPhone one? I’m dying.
February 11th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
and I appreciate this blog entry twice as much since today I am having an awkward day. I might have accidentally told someone they had sucky taste in music, I don’t really know what I did.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
falling down a steep hill is my favorite. heels are evil. i HATE when bugs fly around, especially when people are around and don’t notice. I always end up lookng crazy turning around and swatting at the air.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Minus the heels I can totally relate. My favorite, being that it happens too often, is the iPhone one. Too often does mine have terrible texts from my brother about the very person who just happens to want to see my phone.
February 11th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I’m always That Person who does That Embarrassing Thing in front of everyone. Without fail, it’s me. Especially if it involves falling on my butt. Or having a pigeon fly into my face.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
oh dude, the list only gets more impressive as you get older. one of my most cherished (not) memories is having my toosh flashed to about 3,000 U2 fans at a portapotty in 1987 at RFK stadium when someone opened the door on me. It only goes downhill from there.
February 11th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
LOL you’ve got me thinking about all the embarrassing things I’ve done so far… lordie… hahaha.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:08 am
I didn’t think you were capable of being embarrassed. You think you know someone.
February 12th, 2008 at 1:26 am
Ha! Are you sure we weren’t seperated at birth? ;)
February 12th, 2008 at 1:31 am
the iphone one is hilarious (and ALWAYS seems to happen!)
thankfully i’ve never left my phone on during class but this obnoxious girl in an english survey course i took last year had her phone go off during a very intense discussion of whitman and the ring tone was, of course, the song by pink floyd with the lyrics “we don’t need no education”. priceless.
February 12th, 2008 at 2:45 am
Oh no…I’ve been doing that for so long, I’m a professional. I’ve become the poster idiot for “How Not To Do Things”
I’m afraid it might not get better, and you might want to stock up on padding and band-aids. :(
Yikes!
February 12th, 2008 at 6:10 am
You’re talking to a new friend, and they are talking animately, and they accidentally spit. On your face.
You both pretend it didn’t happen, as you suppress the urge to wipe your face.
February 12th, 2008 at 10:52 am
I’m just…cringing. :)
Hilarious!
February 12th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“Barbie Girl” ringtone, check. Falling off high heels on booty, check. Spittle, check. Hit in the head with a ball, check. Gum-stuck flip-flop, check.
When you put it all together like that, I feel like a bit of a disaster…
February 12th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I had to wince while reading these. Eep.